Parenting with the End in Mind: Building a Home That Brings Them Back

"Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old, he will not depart from it." — Proverbs 22:6

One of the greatest gifts God has given Wayne and me isn't something we bought or built—it's something we've been blessed to watch unfold over time.

Our adult children genuinely want to come home.

Not because they have to.

Not because we're paying them.

Not because we're asking.

They simply enjoy spending time with us. Even better, they bring their friends with them. Our kitchen fills with laughter, conversations last for hours, and our home continues to be a gathering place long after they have grown up.

As I reflect on that blessing, I've realized something important:

It didn't happen by accident.

It was shaped by thousands of intentional decisions we made when our children were little.

Parenting with the End in Mind

As parents, it's so easy to get caught up in what's popular today. Pinterest shows us beautifully decorated bedrooms. Social media showcases elaborate playrooms, entertainment centers, and every imaginable way to create the "perfect" space for our children.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with creating a beautiful bedroom.

But before we make those decisions, I think it's worth asking ourselves one simple question:

What is the outcome I'm hoping to create?

If my goal is to raise children who value family relationships, who enjoy being together, and who one day choose to come back home simply because they love being here, then the choices I make today matter.

We Designed Our Home for Togetherness

Wayne and I intentionally made our children's bedrooms a place for rest, reading, and preparing for the day—not a destination where they would spend all of their free time.

Instead, we wanted the heart of our home to be the living room, the kitchen table, and the backyard.

That's where conversations happened.

That's where games were played.

That's where disagreements were worked through and forgiveness was learned.

That's where life happened.

When our children were home, we wanted them with us—not because we were controlling them, but because relationships grow when people simply spend time together.

Technology Changes the Dynamic

One decision that supported this philosophy was keeping technology out of our children's bedrooms.

No televisions.

No gaming systems.

No endless scrolling behind closed doors.

Technology isn't inherently bad—it can be a wonderful tool when used wisely. But when it becomes the center of a child's private world, it quietly competes with family connection.

Bedrooms can quickly become places of isolation rather than rest.

Family conversations become shorter.

Shared laughter becomes less frequent.

Opportunities to naturally talk about faith, friendships, school, disappointments, and dreams begin to disappear.

Children don't always realize they're missing those moments.

But as parents, we can intentionally protect them.

Childhood Is Short

The years we have with our children are incredibly brief.

Before long, sports fill the calendar. Friends become a bigger part of their world. Jobs, college, marriages, and families of their own begin to take shape.

We can't stop time.

But we can choose how we spend the time we've been given.

Every decision we make is quietly shaping tomorrow.

The Legacy We Hope to Leave

When I look around our home today and see our grown children sitting around the kitchen island with Wayne and me—sharing stories, laughing, and inviting their friends to join us—I don't think about whether we had the trendiest bedrooms.

I think about the relationships that were built.

Those relationships became the greatest reward of intentional parenting.

So before you spend hours trying to create the perfect room, ask yourself a different question:

Will this decision encourage my child to spend more time away from us—or more time with us?

Because years from now, they probably won't remember the color of their walls or the latest decorating trend.

But they'll remember family game nights.

They'll remember conversations around the dinner table.

They'll remember feeling welcomed, heard, and loved.

Those are the memories that bring children home again.

And if you ask me, that's one of the greatest blessings a parent could ever receive.